Can Hurt from disconnection turn into Hope for the right kind of new connections

I am an Ecopsychologist offering eager participants on Wilderness Encounters the opportunity to gain personal and professional understandings through Transformational Travel watching wild animals with social behaviour.

On safari one day we came across a decimated wild dog pack that had been a healthy team of twenty one uniquely-patterned individuals the year before. There were only two female yearlings left. One of the clan had been bitten by a rabid jackal trying to scrap for a morsel at a recent impala kill. As team mates a daily greeting behaviour is mouth nips and nudges – thus the rabbis spread like wildfire, killing almost everyone.

Fortunately these two females were joined with a brother wild dog pack from another area and a new clan formed, bearing pups and growing in size. Wild dogs are an endangered species, they face the threat of habitat encroachment – us bulldozing their space for residential or commercial purposes, and they are vulnerable to canine distemper passed on by other wild and domestic animals they encounter.

It struck me that the very behaviours that keep them connected and alive as co-operative hunters and breeders, can be the same that can get them killed. The COVID-19 epidemic spread the same way through kisses, cuddles and being in close proximity as families, friends and community.

We were created to connect. When counselling couples using understandings from Imago Relationship Therapy I remind them that our unconscious agenda is to choose a partner that resembles the important dynamics of our childhood relationships – loving and not so loving – with parents, a favoured bother, sister, grandparent, teacher or aunt. We remember painful and pleasant relationship experiences. In the first part of any romantic relationship intent on permanence and commitment we experience the beautiful parts similar to previous important earlier relationship with a sense of deja vu, as if we have always known this person we have chosen as a mate – they are familiar, the one, our soul mate.

and then….

…the struggle starts as the nirvana like connection starts to unravel and disconnect. The aspects we first liked about our partner becomes what we least like. We used to admire their financial prowess and ability to provide structure in our chaotic world, now we dislike the way they show no emotion and always work late.

You see at first, our unconscious wanted us to experience what an intimate. loving relationship between two committed people can look like. Next, it knows, to deepen the meaning of life between us we have to get through a tough part – we have chosen someone just like our distant parent or aloof, arrogant teacher. The person we have chosen to spend eternity with is prodding us where we have already been hurt.

The ways that initially connected us are now distancing us and we are wondering if a divorce is on the cards?

How do we use the ways of relating that connect us, then disconnect us, to reconnect us?

Thank your partner for the gift of making you conscious of where you need healing. In fact take a step back, and thank your unconscious for its healing intentions. And maybe even one step further back to thank your Creator that He is intent on making sure you learn to love and heal yourself so that you can love others.

When you come from a wounded place of an internal glass half empty expecting others to compromise and deplete themselves to fill you up, this is not gracious or kind, it looks more like needy, greedy. However, now that the unconscious woundedness has surfaced through your prodding partner, you can find ways of dealing with that crippling anxiety, the people pleasing that leaves you confused as to who you are or what you want, or the victim stance that always blames others and gives them the power to make your life happy or unhappy.

Loving yourself and loving others is interconnected. If you cant love and value yourself, how will you see others for who they are with a respect for unity through diversity, or connection brought about through disconnection?

 If you are longing to experience this fusion of Indigenous, wilderness, contemplative, and ecopsychological wisdom first-hand, listen and respond to the call of the wild, You deserve to experience your own inspirations and healing as we re-learn not only from the bush itself, but from its original people and their ways of being. Try our Healing Power of Dolphins wilderness Meet the Masai, or read fresh reflections on the blog.

You deserve the belonging, insight, and quiet transformation that come from walking ancient paths—with current personal intentions. Let nature and her oldest wisdom keep you company this season, and watch what opens up inside.

With wild wishes,Mandy YoungPsychologist & Ecopsychologistwildernessencountersafrica@gmail.com

You deserve the steadying, honest presence of the wild. If your mind is al over the place, let nature be your gentle guide back to focus, curiosity, and a deeper sense of belonging.

With wild wishes,

Mandy Young Psychologist & Ecopsychologist 

wildernessencountersafrica@gmail.com 

WhatsApp: +44 7456 184 700

P.S. If you’re curious about integrating Indigenous and contemplative healing on your life’s path—or simply need a reminder that you’re not alone—reach out. When we return to wild wisdom, even for a day, we begin the journey home to ourselves. Join the next wilderness experience—the wild is waiting to meet you.