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Can People Pleasers build Team Trust?

Updated: Jul 9

Pleasing others can be a great strength because people with this gift connect well with others, they are friendly, usually good listeners and very caring.

Where did this way of relating come from?

It is often is a way of adjusting to times in our lives, especially in early childhood when the only way we could get heard, acknowledged or valued is when we meet other people's needs. Maybe it is the only way of surviving in a chaotic or busy household?

However when the only way to have our own needs met is to put others’ needs ahead of our own, then we often compromise ourselves and become exhausted. We may even burn out and resent that other people do not give back as much as we give. We are left feeling that love must be earned and we are not worthy unless we are making someone else happy.

This is when this great strength becomes a weakness.

I often turn to wild animals for wisdom. They share the same reptilian brain as us humans and live within what I call their God-created species specific ways. They are usually well adapted to their environment and provide a mirror for us to reflect about ourselves.

On this Weekly Wilderness Webinar our inspiration comes from a caterpillar, or is it a snake? To listen in to the discussion to gain great answers to a people pleasing predicament, please click on the video below:

The caterpillar who turned itself upside down, and took on the aggressive camouflage of a snake revealed the following truths for People Pleasers:

Initially the caterpillar was so well hidden it looked like a dead stick

When we are pleasing other people we often lose our own unique, creative colours. Others are taking up all our energy and we become lifeless. We feel exhausted and lose contact with out own authenticity and value.


Then the caterpillar gets annoyed:

Often meeting other's needs and neglecting our own leaves us depleted, We are     constantly suppressing our own true feelings which is not sustainable. Eventually people pleasers feel so tired and betrayed because others are not giving back, they explode.


Others become scared of you:

·      because they can’t trust who you really are

·     they are not quite sure what you are saying is what you really mean

·      they are not sure if you are going to follow through or change directions because you have not said what you really want

·     they are not sure how to make the next move or how to adapt, and feel vulnerable

How do you become someone who enjoys connecting and caring for other people, but not at your own expense?

My strongest encouragement is that you get to know your beautiful, original self. The person you were created to be. The person who is worthy and deserves love jut because you are.

Once you really get to know yourself several things happen:

  • You gain passion

  • Passion means you will move towards your goals no matter what other people think, you won’t be sabotaged by their needs, and you won’t compromise yourself to accommodate them.

  • You will be fearless and have the courage of a lion, you wont be afraid to say what you think, you will know how to set clear boundaries, and face conflict.


I have two offers for you:

I can offer Personal Development coaching and walk alongside whilst you discover yourself with decades of experience counselling people of all ages towards good mental health and relationships with themselves and others. The investment for this service is GBP 45 per session once a week.

Alternatively, or in addition I can offer you a place on a 6-week Positive Intelligence course that is operationalised on a mobile app. The course is based on extensive research in the area of depth psychology, neuropsychology and cognitive behavioural understandings. It is foundationed on the New York Times bestseller, Positive Intelligence, by Coach Shirzad.

The course will begin with an assessment of what sabotages your time and effort because of your people pleasing ways. It will highlight how this way of operating in the world affects you, your wellness, and impacts others. Day by day you will learn techniques to build mental toughness, new ways of operating in the world and different neural pathways that will enable you to value your own authenticity, and empower your life to make decisions that support your goals and dreams. The cost of this 6 week course is $995 on their website:, but as I am a Coach who has gone through the course myself, I can offer 5 people a place at GBP150 per month for two months. Would you like to be one of the 5. Only 4 places left.

Please contact me if you would like to engage with either opportunity at


The Weekly Wilderness Webinar this week.

Are You feeling Anxiously Avoidant right Now?

This is for those who hate conflict, and tend to avoid doing the difficult days and the boring or demanding tasks, until it is unavoidable chaos or crisis. Sadly this way of facing life can leave one with perpetual anxiety and fear of confrontation.

Our wildlife influencer who will mirror some advantages, adaptations and answers for this way of being in the world is:

the Proverbial Sloth

who actually have some very good reasons for moving slower than any other mammal on earth!

Email me on if you would like to be included on future Weekly Wilderness Webinars details on a weekly newsletter.

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